Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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