I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
