This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
