Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
