I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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