its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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