my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
