They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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