You're completely useless in the revolution.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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