Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Are we still banned from the library?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize