rhymes with "ouble enetration"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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