i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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