oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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