But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
