I am spending my child support on dildos
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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