Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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