hotel room ftw
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
