I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
