Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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