this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
