so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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