once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you never un-have a 4some
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
