do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
