we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
