i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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