when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
