I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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