Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
