i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
