You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
