Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
