so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
