his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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