woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
