i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
