U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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