I'm going to jail i love you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
