btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Damn victory sex feels great
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
