Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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