dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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