Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
3pm strippers are depressing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
