WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
