So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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