Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
