Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
