Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize