If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
