Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
