I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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