Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
