I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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