I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
