I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
