my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
