He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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