so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
