Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
