i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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