This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
