Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
