I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
