I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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