Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
