Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
