On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
