dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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