why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
