I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
