Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
