he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I've blown a few things in my day
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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