TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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