there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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