I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
