have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
