I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
