I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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